Don't Pay Your Bills! (or how to be a Tea Party Person)

warning: this is sarcasm, and not very subtle sarcasm at that. In truth it may be mean spirited sarcasm as well. it certainly isn't funny. Just in case any really stupid people read this (as opposed to writing it), It's about the debt ceiling insanity. So I apologize if you are offended. Oh hell, no I don't, I meant to offend some people. (unless you are my mother, then I sincerely apologize and I am just kidding).  Otherwise, fuck it. read at your own risk.


Here's a great way to control your families' finances. First, run up a bunch of bills, cable TV, Internet, a couple of cell phone bills, maybe some credit card charges for groceries, and of course that vacation at Sea World that the kids loved so much.

Then, when it comes time to pay those bills, 
refuse pay them!  Yeah, just refuse to pay the bills you already owe, unless the family agrees to give up food, their bedrooms, Doctor checkups, new clothes and a bunch of other stuff they need next year!

Sure, the kids will be hungry, and your spouse may get sicker and lose some teeth by not going to the Dentist, but boy, will you cut that spending!

Of course, you'll pay a lot for the refusal to pay those bills when you finally do pay them a month later, which of course you have to do eventually.

But think of the benefits of doing useless protesting when it's time to PAY the bills, instead of agreeing to spend less when you PLAN your budget!

Umm, I can't think of any benefits.
(Unless being the stupidest person in your family is a benefit).

But golly, that is just what the Tea Party in Congress is doing to the USA, and it's messing up the U.S. economy just as surely as your refusal to pay your bills would mess up yours!

And if the kids complain, insult them, give them a smarmy look as if you knew what you were doing (and even though your spouse is a lot smarter than you, act as if THEY were the idiot!). 

 Tell them they have to spend less money, even though they already cut back and gave up half their spending money already. Just LIE to them and tell them "the right time to focus on spending is when it's time to PAY, not when you actually SPEND the money."

They won't believe you, unless they are clueless morons. Or unless they are 26% of the American public.  


If they go talk about what you are doing with the neighbors, compare them to Hitler! 

Don't worry about being illogical, if you want to be a Tea Party Person you have to learn to ignore logic. Be sure to finish learning to ignore facts first, which we learned in Lesson 1.


One final thing, even if you could borrow money by refinancing your house at today's low low interest rates (and save thousands of dollars), and even if you could invest some of that money to take a class and finish your Masters, which would give you a raise of about 20% more than what you make now, DON'T SPEND THAT MONEY. 

Oh, no, because the way to help your family is to cut spending no matter what.  And when you  don't get that promotion because you don't have the skills because you didn't invest in training, don't worry. With less spending you won't need a promotion, you can just do with less. Your family will understand, because they know that they have to sacrifice so that your rich Uncle can get even richer! You can always get support from the government, then blame it on the Democrats!

Then you will be a real Tea Party Person! First, pretend you want to balance the budget. Second, make sure the richest members in your family don't give you any money to help with the kids' medical bills, just don't take your child to the Doctor. Third, cut spending for food, don't invest in any training, and fall behind the rest of the people at work. Then when you lose your job, you will REALLY spend less money, because you won't have any! 

 You will then be a real Tea Party Person!

Pay no attention to the (damn) liberal next door, who now makes twice what he did last year due to the training he took, and whose medical bills are far reduced because he invested in healthy living and eating, and who can afford to send his kids to a good school, so they will also make good money. Ignore him, and ignore his friend that old-school conservative too (you remember him? The smart one you threw out of the Neighborhood Association last year for talking to the Damn Liberal?). He is using reasoning, he is looking at what worked before and doing that. DON'T FALL FOR THAT!

It's too intelligent. YOU are an American. A White American! This is your country, and whatever those English people are doing, ridicule them! They're foreigners from across the ocean, you just can't trust 'em. 

 No, that liberal is wrong, the way to get ahead is to cut off all your spending, period.  So what if it hurts your family? You can rest happy in the fact that your wealthy relative is still rich. And you still have your gun.